Weekly Report 12
Last year my mentor was a professor; I could not have asked for anything more. Ms. Vernon taught me a great deal about the career and about art itself. I have improved massively and feel much more confident about pursuing this path in college. This year, however, I felt as though I needed something different. I did not want to focus on painting and art, but rather on the business of being a painter. For that reason, I have asked someone who creates art for a living.
Her name is Zahra Jahanyfard. It was her organizational skills that led me to ask her to be my mentor. Ms. Jahanyfard plans every month, week, and day meticulously in order to live out her passion; she knows exactly what she needs and how to pursue it. I mean, her day-job is drawing charcoal portraits. She creates art for a living; she does not work an odd job or anything of the sort. That alone is absolutely incredible. The way she has managed to successfully pursue her career with, frankly, insignificant compromises is astounding. I want to learn from Ms. Jahnyfard; I want to foster initiative and motivation like she has.
Organization and initiative have always been weaknesses of mine. That is why ISM has proven so beneficial; it has allowed me to develop those skills. It is difficult for me to plan every detail of my day and stick to that schedule. Stress tends to lead to procrastination and laziness. That is why I see Ms. Jahanyfard as the perfect mentor; her strengths are my weaknesses. I know she will challenge me and help me foster better habits.
Weekly Report 11
Luiz, the speech guy. My disastrous first speech led me to develop this reputation. I feel pretentious saying this, but I am, now, one of the best ISM speakers in my class. I mean, I had people this year watch on of my speeches out of their own accord because of what they have heard. It feels odd. I want to improve and better myself; however, this reputation means I have to be as good, at the very least, as the best ISM speakers in my class.
That is not to say that is something negative. This reputation encourages me to put more effort than I would usually to meet expectations. I genuinely am proud of my accomplishments; having to try twice as hard as before to improve is motivating. If I meet expectations then I will actually grow; having people look at me as a standard encourages further effort. Although, I think my source of drive has been misplaced.
My attitude has been one of fear. I do not want to let myself or others down. Not because I fear the shame of judgement, but because of my pride. I would feel ashamed to fail because it would be a reduction, a degradation; it would mean I am not improving. My whole purpose in this course is to improve. If I cannot do that then I have failed the course. At least, those are my fears regarding this reputation.
However, this thought process is wrong. Fear should not be my source of motivation; fear of failure, even less so. I should be wearing failure like a badge. It is not something to fear, but to embrace. Through failure I improve; meaning it would never deter or impede the improvement I so desperately seek.