Doubts Over Passion
Weekly Report 14
In AP Literature I was reading As I Lay Dying by William Faulkner, and during it a character discussed how people used words. Her argument boiled down to: people use words to represent things they do not have. For example, someone who speaks of fear does not have or understand it. Now, as unrelated as this might seem, her statement startled me. A question popped into my mind, am I passionate?
My ISM career has revolved around this word, which I am now afraid to use; I have mentioned it in almost every essay, speech, and weekly report. Are my claims false? Are those that doubt my passion right? Am I following the wrong path? It is terrifying to think I in reality cannot understand what it means to love and cherish something dearly. Art fuels me. I feel at peace; I feel joyous. I would be ridiculously difficult to live without painting. I adore it; I really do. Nevertheless, I wonder if this desire to pursue painting and art stem from a passion or a lack of passion.
If I think of the latter, I am faced with the idea that I do not know what it means to be passionate. Instead I crave passion; it would mean I am desperately searching for a passion, something to adore and follow. Maybe it is not so bad to lack that understanding. I mean, my mentors have stressed the importance to move forwards despite doubt, so I am not necessarily wasting my time. I may lack passion, but, maybe, what I am doing is bringing me closer to it. That is all I have ever asked for anyways.