Meeting Expectations
Weekly Report 11 Luiz, the speech guy. My disastrous first speech led me to develop this reputation. I feel pretentious saying this, but I am, now, one of the best ISM speakers in my class. I mean, I had people this year watch on of my speeches out of their own accord because of what they have heard. It feels odd. I want to improve and better myself; however, this reputation means I have to be as good, at the very least, as the best ISM speakers in my class. That is not to say that is something negative. This reputation encourages me to put more effort than I would usually to meet expectations. I genuinely am proud of my accomplishments; having to try twice as hard as before to improve is motivating. If I meet expectations then I will actually grow; having people look at me as a standard encourages further effort. Although, I think my source of drive has been misplaced. My attitude has been one of fear. I do not want to let myself or others down. Not because I fear the shame of judgement, but because of my pride. I would feel ashamed to fail because it would be a reduction, a degradation; it would mean I am not improving. My whole purpose in this course is to improve. If I cannot do that then I have failed the course. At least, those are my fears regarding this reputation. However, this thought process is wrong. Fear should not be my source of motivation; fear of failure, even less so. I should be wearing failure like a badge. It is not something to fear, but to embrace. Through failure I improve; meaning it would never deter or impede the improvement I so desperately seek.
0 Comments
Meaning
Weekly Report 10 In my AP Literature class we have been discussing how one’s writing, music, and art are expressions a process that allows them to understand and conquer their issues. The example we have used is that of Charlotte Brontë and her book, Jane Eyre. In this piece Brontë expresses her views through a thorough critique of her society. She promotes expression, individuality, and passion. These views deeply contrasted with those of the Victorian society of Brontë’s time. From what I have gathered, this was the way Brontë processed her desire to escape the deeply patriarchal society she resided in and many other issues. Her novel allowed her to understand and address her issues. I am assuming most of this psychology is crude; most of the lesson probably has surely gone over my head. However, this is what I learned from the class, and I believe it is worth considering through my own lens. The lesson made me question, what is the meaning in my art? What issues am I trying to resolve and understand in my art if any. Of course, most of my art has been made for educational reasons; expression has rarely been in the forefront of my mind. Recently, though, I have been given the freedom to choose a large part of what I paint. Admittedly, most of what I have painted has been mainly observational. I honestly can not tell if there is any meaning in that, but it could be worth considering. Other than that, however, the most expressive painting I have made is that of a hand surfacing out of a watery goo; the water drips down from the fingers back to the goo. It is also worth mentioning I painted this entirely with my hands; it was my way of exploring a different way to paint. In regards to the question, though, I struggle to find any issues in the painting. Is it escaping something, if so what? What do I want to escape? Is it drowning in something, if so what? What makes me feel that way? I still do not have any answers, but I will be thinking of this throughout my week. A large part of my life, especially in ISM, has been dedicated to figuring out how to better myself. I believe understanding my own paintings would allow me to do that, so I will examine this painting again and process the meaning behind it. Then, I will record it in my next report and come up with a way to address and apply what I have learned through the painting in my ISM journey. Future
Weekly Report 9 As I approach the end of the semester, I find myself thinking about my future. Not about what colleges or what job I will pursue. It has been a while since I decided to pursue passion, so I am not worried about that. What am I thinking about is whether I fear my future or not. During one of my Church’s youth meetings the Priest mentioned how my generation fears our future; he said we do not want to grow up. Of course, I can only speak for myself, so I do not know if his observation is true. Honestly, I do not even know what my answer is. Yes, I desire to have a job, my own salary, and freedom, and, yes, I am anxious about leaving my parents and family. Leaving the world I know is somewhat intimidating, but I have done so before. Every time I have moved to a different country I was forced to leave part of the world I knew. I had to adapt, and I will have to adapt. Moving to live in a college campus and eventually into my own home will be similar, right? I do not know. How can I be expected to know? Am I even supposed to? I am clearly filled with doubt, but does doubt equate to fear? I do not believe so. Sometimes I imagine myself driving across the country; drawing people in landmarks all over the world. It is cheesy, but just the thought of it excites me. Maybe I am both slightly intimidated and enthusiastic about my future, and I think that is okay. Right now I plan to follow my passions and adapt to the changes involved. I do not feel overwhelmed by any emotion when I think about my future. Honestly, that might be favorable. The fear will keep me grounded, and the excitement will keep me motivated. I do not have much of an answer for this weekly report, but for the purposes of ISM I will keep following my passions and planning according to them. I will keep myself motivated and conscious of my future; I mean, that is all I can really do, right? Progress
Weekly Report 8 I will admit that school is not always something interesting. Not much changes in a week by week basis; it is a constant pressure on my life. However, this mundanity can be dealt with. Really, it should be dealt with. I have my own ways of dealing with it, which I am attempting to change. My way of dealing with this stress is music and video games. They provide a break; in a way they are an escape. They clear my mind and allow me to process what is happening with little to no stress. Nonetheless, that is not how I want to be spending my time. I want to be productive and efficient. I cannot do that while playing video games. Instead, I want to paint; I would like to spend my time practicing and improving my art. That has been my goal this year: to paint habitually. My progress has been slow, but it is there. I have noticed a simple, yet powerful change in my habits already. Sketching, yes, I have begun sketching on my own volition. They are observational sketches, quickly made and rough, but they are still sketches. This is a step, I feel is worth acknowledging because it signifies progress. It is necessary to recognize progress once in awhile; it allows me to see how far I have come. Seeing this small change in my personality motivates and encourages me to keep working at it. This change tells me that I can and will change into a painter as long as I continue investing myself. Inconveniences
Weekly Report 7 I was supposed to have an interview this past week, but my car broke down. This meant a large part of what I hoped to accomplish during the week had to be delayed. Luckily, I was, however, able to go to Arts in the Square during the weekend. Various friends were playing the piano there, so I decided to attend. What I did not expect was to see so many artists there. Some were selling work; others were painting. I acquired two contacts: one from a lady who was painting a large charcoal portrait and another from an older man who was selling his work. He painted with a distinct painterly style that I am personally quite fond of. Both seemed like talented painters, and I thoroughly enjoyed their work. I am always reinvigorated when I meet with new artists or attend an event like this one. Seeing others’ work inspires me to work; it makes me remember that being a painter is a possibility, not just a dream. I also finished two paintings this week. The more important one is the one I did of my dog, which was one made with my usual style, but it surprised me. I finished the painting in a span of two days, two of which I worked a total of two hours. The majority of the work was finished on the second day. It is honestly one of the best paintings I have created, which is weird to say, since I did not spend nearly as much time on it as I have on others. I had forgotten how fast painting impacts my art. It makes me paint with more style and without hesitation; it makes my painting seem confident and almost proud. I feel as though I have improved tremendously because a year ago I would never have imagined that one of my best paintings was made in a single day. National Portfolio Day
Weekly Report 6 As part of my effort to step out of my comfort zone I decided to explore more art schools in the National Portfolio Day event at Dallas. It was a incredibly enjoyable day; I went with my girlfriend and a friend. I was not able to look into every college I wanted to, but that did not matter much. My thought process was that each individual person representing the schools must have all been qualified to critique my portfolio. Each had plenty of criticism and compliments to give, which is what I was concerned about. If I want to know how to apply to a school, then I will look into their website. An opportunity to be critiqued by a representative of an art school, however, is rare, so I was actually able to learn quite a bit. The first of the main lessons stressed by the representatives was that I should paint more from observation, not photos (even if I took them), which makes sense. I would be more than willing to go outside to try, and even could do so without contacts or glasses in an effort to do something different. Not only will I be able to address the criticism, but also accomplish my goal to explore different methods of painting. I was also told to paint with more purpose and meaning. It makes sense; I have been painting for painting’s sake. I need to begin thinking of why I want to paint a certain subject and what message or story I want to express in my painting. This will not only bring life to my painting, but also make it more complex. I am excited to address these critiques; doing so makes me feel as though I am genuinely becoming a painter. What more could I ask for? Exhibition
Weekly Report 5 This past weekend was homecoming weekend; I missed homecoming. I had agreed months ago to go to my last year ISM mentor’s exhibition. It was located in a small gallery in the outskirts of Dallas, Valley House Gallery. Ms. Vernon had many paintings on display ranging in size from large to immense. Every single one of her paintings surprised and amazed me. Ms. Vernon has a habit of painting realistic subjects, such as a landscape, through more expressive means. Her colors pop, yet look like they fit perfectly into the setting she creates. Ms. Vernon’s brush strokes are quick, expressive, and precise; she creates shapes that blew my mind with their simplicity. Ms. Vernon astounded me; I realized she had never shown me a single one of her painting. Not one painting! Ms. Vernon is incredible. She wanted me to develop as a painter, so she focused entirely on me. Everytime I see Ms. Vernon, I am surprised by her character; I could not have asked for a better mentor. Admittedly, I did not talk much with Ms. Vernon. She was busy socializing with all the other visitors. Every single person in that gallery was different. Most of them were artists, well renowned artists too. I decided to use that opportunity to network. I enjoy learning from different artists, so it felt like the right thing to do. I met other people who studied under Ms. Vernon and even colleagues of hers. Many of these people seemed willing to share their knowledge and gave me some colleges to contact. Brook Haven was one college I was advised to contact twice. They all shared their names and contacts, and were incredibly encouraging. They all said it was impressive to see someone as young as me in an exhibition. In all honesty, I had never thought of that. I am pursuing this career young, but I still feel like I am not nearly as prepared as some of my peers. Maybe I should give myself some more credit. I mean, I am in ISM, and I am attempting to find a future career. Of course, I would not want to grow entitled, but building up my ego once in awhile can be useful. Am I Allowed to Break Rules?
Weekly Report 4 My last research assessment might have been my favorite so far. It was a thorough look into Helen Frankenthaler's style. I found her incredibly interesting because she broke many of painting’s rules, but still managed to created respected art. I should not say art has rules, they are more like guidelines than anything else. Either way, Frankenthaler broke various rules regarding composition and style. That made me wonder, am I allowed to break art’s rules? Art is free; there are no rules. At least that is what many claim. Why is it then so crucial that I know the rules of composition? How can someone differentiate good from bad artwork if there are no rules, no guidelines? If there are no rules and art is only subjective, then what is the point of critics? I believe there are guidelines to art; there are a variety of techniques an artist can employ that objective make his or her artwork good. Students learn these rules in order to develop their skill until they are skilled enough to create art without these rules. Art’s rules could be seen as training wheels, allowing a painter to develop and eventually surpass them. I believe that is why artists who break these rules are still respected despite their “unlawful” paintings. What differentiates two painters who break the rules of proportion is that one did so on purpose, the other did not. One knew about the rules and how to break it, the other did not. This leads me to why I believe am not allowed to break most rules: I do not have enough knowledge of art to confidently go against the grain. I need to grow as a painter before I can begin exploring and making statements about art through my paintings. This train of thought of mine was somewhat arbitrary, but it makes sense. I am beginning to understand painting more. As I do so, I will begin questioning everything I am being taught, and, in doing so, I will be able to truly stand apart from other painters and become as original as I can be. I would like to break rules, but, before I do so, I must learn as much as possible about painting. Feel Good
Weekly Report 3 I almost danced out of school every single day last week. I have been incredibly joyous recently, but nothing has changed. Well, my reliance on music has. In at least four of my classes I was caught, “jamming” (including ISM). I am constantly listening to music; in school, at home, while painting, while studying, and in the car. I have listened to plenty of genre’s, but they are not important to me. The beat matters above all else, I need a relatively fast paced song that makes me feel, well, good; like that radio on spotify, feel good music. Music was never important in my life beforehand, yet, slowly, I have begun appreciating music at an artistic level. Not like painting, I do not understand the process or even comprehend the deep issues explored in music, but I understand the emotions the songs exude. In reality, that is all I need to appreciate music; I am curious, though, so I have tried to understand why I feel the way I do and why I want to feel that way. I desperately seek to find music that makes me joyous. Why? The only real explanation I can think of it that it is an escape; I do not know if it is healthy or not, but I do not think that ,matters. Music provides me with peace; it gives me the confidence to accomplish my goals. Every provides me with the energy to keep working, and, honestly, I lack motivation without it. I can work faster, I will admit, it is a distraction, but it allows me to work for longer. I believe I seek out feel good music because its inherent joyous nature provides me with the motivation I need. It may be odd for me to suddenly write about music, but I felt it was necessary. Understanding why I enjoy music helps me understand art, painting. There exists a complexity in art that is difficult to understand. I have always struggled to understand it. Why did the artists paint this? What did he mean? I struggle to comprehend this complexity. However, I have noticed, recently, that by understanding other forms of art I can more easily understand the complexities of painting. That is why I wrote about music because it has helped me understand why people feel attached to specific paintings, styles, and subjects. Reflecting over my sudden fascination with music also provides me with a better understanding of myself, which can allow me to improve and better my own art. The Jawline is Off
Weekly Report 2 I will be honest, I already feel stressed. Maybe stressed is not the right word because it is a sort of “good stress”. Instead of feeling overwhelmed to the point of paralysis, I feel compelled to take action. I want to deal with the stress; it’s weird, I do not have to force myself to deal with it, I just do it. I even feel excited about it. Every class, besides economics and aquatics, feels challenging and intriguing, and in a way the challenge motivates me to work and better understand the topics. That is not to say I am not procrastinating, but I am definitely improving. For one, I am almost done with my first painting, well, it is a charcoal drawing, but it is an art piece so I am counting it. I have not devoted as much time to the drawing as I would like; however, I have spent more than usual. The extra time has allowed me to edit and change aspects of my piece I would have never had time to even notice otherwise. For example, yesterday I erased half of the drawing because my jawline looked odd; it led me to a convoluted journey that eventually showed me a colossal mistake I made early on (The rose was too small, and because I was using it as reference, half of the drawing was disproportionate.). I forgot how enjoyable creating art is. In an odd way, this drawing allowed me to rekindle that love. I thought motivating myself to draw would be more difficult, but, now that I have begun, the whole process has become much easier. I honestly cannot wait to get back into art with full force because it pleases me unlike anything else. |